2021 was definitely one of the toughest years I’ve ever had to face. Just when I thought this year would represent good rhythms, more family time, and coming to a healthier, happier home that all got shaken just after my 32nd birthday.
Financial stress was high so I prayed for a stable job to supplement my freelance work. And then, out of nowhere an opportunity to do Webflow design work for a local agency was on my lap. I greatly enjoyed the work and things felt good even though I wish I could be more at home versus at the office. But, I felt like a clicked with a couple of people on the team. I added design input on some new branding for a client which was well received. All my years of design experience was coming together.
Again, it felt good.
Then on the way home from work my then wife asked for a divorce.
I was in shock. She expected me to be angry. But, I was sad. This made things complicated. She didn’t think I was taking her ask seriously as I communicated my want to work things out. Many tough and awkward interactions would happen. Then one weekend she asked to stay with one of her sisters. That’s when my gut felt that she wouldn’t be returning. This unfortunately proved to be true. Damn gut feeling.
A week later I was told to leave the agency I’ve been working at because of my loss in focus and desire to not be there. Fair enough. The timing wasn’t right.
Over the course of the next several months I would shed so many tears. I was fragile. But, over these same several months my pastor helped me get back on my feet. I went to the gym, I got into the Word, and focused on the time with my therapist.
By this time I would be welcomed back at Apple! What felt weird at first has turned into a blessing. I know that my time there isn’t for a career as I originally thought, but merely a place for me to make a difference and receive the support I need during this most, unknown and shaken up time of my life.
I returned to attending the very church I left. If you can’t forgive your own church how can you forgive even tougher things. I even forgave my now ex-wife with her decision to divorce even though I said I disagree with it. You can’t control things. All you can do is try to love well, be aware, and seek to understand better while being true to who you are.
2021 was the year I was more me than trying to be someone else. It was the year where I had to reach a very big low to realize that God always comes first, no matter how much you love your wife. It was the year where I am more comfortable with myself and what God continues to do for me than my own cravings and desires.
So grateful for less and less financial stress, my close friendships, my family, and my Lilo girl.
2021 was the year of regaining trust in Him and myself.
2022, I feel, will be the year of focus for me.
